If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
