Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize