I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
