i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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