u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I died a long time ago.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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