I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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