i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
