we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
