Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
