hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
