oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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