Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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