Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
