I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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