I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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