Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
