Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
