Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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