My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
