I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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