someone get that fucking seahorse.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
