I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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