you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
