I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just found a bag of teeth...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
