My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
