Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
