You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would fuck him just for his dog
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
