Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I had to cum in my sink.
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