Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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