i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
