I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
