I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's get the cat blown out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
