I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
