I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
