I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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