Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
