Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
