Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
