I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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