I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
