just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
