if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want her autograph on my taint
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize