just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
