Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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