Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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