If that was your dad, he is hot
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
