i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
