So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
