I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I enjoy the company of your penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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