sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
