he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
