you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
