I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
