Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I enjoy the company of your penis
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