I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
