You can't motorboat a personality
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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