Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
