his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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