i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
