Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
