Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
