I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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