I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
