so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
be right there i have to get my cape
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
