He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
