bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
