I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
