Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
