Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
