My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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