Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
