I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
